Forget Burgundy

This is an actual photograph of Hurricane Irene. Scary.

Having grown up in Los Angeles, I’ve lived through my fair share of natural disasters so I’m not one to take them lightly. Hollywood, on the other hand, has had a grand old time fantasizing about its own demise (see: Armageddon, Deep Impact, Battle LA, Volcano, et al.). I have a healthy record of outliving earthquakes, wild fires, and rock/mud slides – so I know first hand just how scary and devastating any kind of natural disaster can be! After this weekend (assuming I’m not tempting fate too wildly by assuming I’ll survive) I can at the very least add a Tropical Storm and, if I’m terribly unlucky, a Hurricane. Yippee.

So while I’m tempted to make a playlist of songs like Stormy Weather, I’m Only Happy When it Rains, End of the World, Fire and Rain (and on and on ad nauseum) while sipping Dark and Stormy’s (rum or vodka mixed with ginger beer) I’ve instead decided to take things seriously and make a Hurricane’s Guide to Wine. Because this is some serious business that deserves a serious drink.*

Magnificent Wine Co’s Steak House Red ($10.99)

The sky will darken, the winds will howl, and the rain will gush forth like blood from a mortal wound! Or something like that. Anyways, on a long and stormy day this wine is a great brooding companion. It’s packed with dark fruit and nice firm tannins (that’s the stuff that sucks at the back of your throat). If the lights go out and you’re forced to create a trashcan bonfire in your living room the only logical thing you’d want to cook over it is a thick juicy steak (amiright?) and this wine would go perfectly with it. Its all so primordial and caveman-ish – being at the mercy of the elements and praying that your internet doesn’t get knocked out because – OMG – your twitter followers depend on you!  Anyways, this is a really good big wine that will keep you company during a really big storm.

Nino Franco Rustico Prosecco ($23.94)

Hurricanes are super windy right? Let’s take up that theme and go for something breezy – something that, if you have a little too much, you’ll be swaying around your apartment like all the trees outside. Look, if its rotten outside, why not let loose and lighten up inside. Grab a glass of bubbly, put on some old-timey music so that when the lights go out and you’re lighting candles, its almost like being in a speakeasy – how hip! Pretend like you’re a drunk and bored debutante exploring the seedy underbelly! You’ll feel so dangerous and sexy you might forget all about that nasty storm raging outside!

2000 Chateau Latour Bordeaux ($1,500)

   Dude, did you hear that New York City might be totally annihilated by a hurricane this    weekend? If that’s not cause to break out the big boys, I don’t know what is. Do you have a more   appropriate occasion to make sure the expensive stuff doesn’t go to waste than to drink it during an   apocalyptic weather phenomenon? I mean, look, I’m not saying that I want to die or that I want   anyone else to die, or that anyone IS going to die! BUT if I was going to die, I’d probably want it to be with some really amazing wine in me.

 *On a more serious note, natural disasters are serious and should be taken seriously. This post is not meant to offend anyone who has ever suffered as a direct result of ANY natural disaster. I’m merely trying to make some lemonade out of a truly lemony situation and this post is intended purely as entertainment.